random thought

Here is a challenge for you... ever try to throw out a trash can?

I tried for weeks to get the garbage men to take this wreck of a can that blew into the yard one day. It all happened about a month ago, a stray plastic garbage can finds its way into the front yard one windy afternoon. No big deal, polite neighbor that I am, I leave it outside of our garage, sheilded from the wind, figuring the owner would spot it and reclaim it. Of course, I'm naive, because honestly, if you had seen this thing.... it had the notched bottom clueing me in that it had at one time, but no longer possessed wheels.... it also had a really big gash down the side that would allow you to look through the can to read yesterdays discarded newspaper. If it were made of metal, and were on a desert planet in a galaxy far, far away... jawas wouldn't take this thing.

but, yet I kept assuming that the owner would come looking for his p.o.s can... well, I hoped that he would, it would be the decent thing to do... I wouldn't want someone else to be stuck with it if it were mine.

and yet, each week, I would drag it , empty, mind you, down to the street on pick up day, with the hope that the owner would see it and take it home or, that the garbage men would pause for a second and notice the empty, crumby, broken garbage can and take it away from my yard.... but NOOOOOOOO.

so the next week rolls around, pick up day comes, and I'm rushing around helping get the kids in the car for school and daycare and then I remember to take out the trash... so I scramble to grab my clean bins full of properly bagged trash, and there is this eyesore.... cue: 'Three of these things belong together.... one of these things is not the same..." I grab it and think: "how can I get the men to take it away?" I spot a can of Krylon on a nearby shelf, grab it and spray across the side "T-R-A-S-H"

yeah, that didn't work either... me thinks, the men are assuming I wrote that, so that I would know what sort of material should be placed inside.

another week passes... really getting tired of seeing this ugly plastic thing everyday, especially now that it had become stained with blood-red spray paint identifying what it originally contained long ago, and had now become, for all the world to see.

last minute scramble again on the morning of pick up day... this time I hurry and grab a sharpie and a sheet of paper, oh no it is raining...... what to do? I grab a zip-loc bag and stuff my little note about how the can is broken, not even mine, but rolled into my yard ages ago in a storm, so please take this plastic hunk of junk with you and put it out of my misery.... ...now the search is on for tape or staples or anything I can use to affix this despairate plea to the side of my nemesis.

It shouldn't be hard, I have tape.... somewhere.... now, where is the duct tape?... no idea, I guess I'll have to turn in my Macgyver fan club card, blast!

Hockey tape! I'll use hockey tape, my old equipment bag is right there on a shelf in the corner.... wouldn't you know it... the zipper is rusted and won't move..... Mr McGee, please don't make me angry... you wouldn't like me when I'm angry...

this is really starting to affect my blood pressure...

eventually, I find an old end-roll of black electrical tape.... success!!!

Except, now... the rain has picked up in its intensity, my jacket and gilligan hat are getting soaked, and imagine that, the tape doesn't want to stick to the wet plastic.

its like I just finished the old 96er and I'm feeling great until the waiter says that I now have to eat the gristle and fat.

So, I find a rag, wipe down a dirty, nasty, broken down, piece of garbage, garbage can.... until a large section of it is clean... and dry.... just so I can tape a note to its side... begging the garbage men to take this filthy abomination away and out of my life forever...

and on we go with my day.... I'm nearly soaked, I end up being just over a half-hour late for work, and I still have no guarantee that this will be the day the dreaded can will finally fade away.

fast-forward to the evening... I turn into the neighborhood... fingers crossed.... will this be the day that it is finally gone? Yes.... YES..... YESSSSS!

Thank the maker!... I love it when a plan comes together!... knowing is half the battle!

however you want to say it... really, the end of the story, honestly pales in comparison to the frustration that getting to this point brought on... but it is finally gone....

and that is my tale of how incredibly difficult it was to successfully throw out a trash can.

It's The Most Wonderful Time of the Year!

Ah, my allergies are starting to bug me... the neighbor's little black car is starting to look a little green in the sunlight... its A's birthday, (3 already, how can that be?)... promos for the Stanley Cup finals are playing on TV... the O's still look promising (as of this morning, they are not only tied for first.. heck, they're undefeated!)... {and it wasn't until I typed that last line that the promise of disappointment to come entered my brain}

It is finally Spring, that wonderful time when my two favorite sports overlap, and I'm filled with optimism for the potential of my two favorite teams... I can now start wearing two shirts with short sleeves, instead of three shirts with long sleeves... my knees, ankles, and now neck and ribs don't ache nearly as much with the lingering reminders of long ago sports, and auto injuries.

Ah, Spring... playing in the yard, laughter, the smell of grass clippings and an well oiled ball mitt...

Flush this music

I've been compiling this list of artists (term used loosely) and groups, in my head for years.
It starts off innocently enough, you know you just keep hearing this song on the radio. Its catchy, nothing profound, but catchy. Then it is embraced by critics, or worse celebrities, as being 'ahead of its time', or cutting edge.... and then it is on the same radio station every two hours, argh!
I know, the solution is simply, change the station... sorry, the stations here are terrible; or get XM or Serious... sorry, I'm cheap and I'm not paying for radio; or listen to an MP3 player, well I do have one of those, but I'm decidely very 20th century, plus digging through all my CDs will take longer than I'd care to spend just to load music.... Plus, most of my favorite songs are on cassette, and again... I'm cheap, I'm not buying this stuff again on CD unless the tape wears out, oh and the time investment to transfer a cassette into the computer.... forget it.

So, I gripe, and complain. In an older post, I ranted on the talkative nature of idiot DJs who wish they could be a third rate call screener for a real radio show of the calibre of Don and Mike, hey I guess its just Mike now isn't it? Crappy local stations don't carry it. This is my rant on music itself.

So here is my list, and I warn you, it might just upset many of you. You'll say: "How dare he not like ____? They are/were genius" Well, blame it on overexposure on the radio, or maybe I bought the cassette and listened to it too much, or had a friend who wouldn't stop playing it, whatever... the point is, its my rant, and I've heard these singers and/or songs way too many times, and I'd be happier if I never heard them again. Or, in the odd case where I might have a particular album, I'll listen to it if I want, when and if, but probably never, I want to. Because, really there is enough good music out there to offer some variety.

Here goes, My list of stuff I hope to never listen to again, and would be much happier if I didn't:

Nickleback
Green Day
Jimmy Buffet
Live
Red Hot Chili Peppers (really, everything since Mother's Milk has stunk anyway)
INXS
U2
The Beatles (yeah, I said it)
Prince
Michael Jackson
Madonna
AC/DC
The Eagles
Kid Rock
Bruce Springsteen
Elton John
Billy Joel
Lynrd Skynrd (or however you spell it)
The Scorpions

to be continued.

so please, enjoy cinderella, urban dance squad, kiss, james taylor, elvis, dean martin, the beach boys, dick dale, young mc, pm Dawn, 3rd base... heck anyone that hasn't been on the radio in the past half-hour.

Panda of Solace

So, last night we had our weekly little family movie night. We stretch out a big old blanket on the living room floor, and camp out on the floor with our blankets and pillows. Last nights feature was 'Kung Fu Panda', actually a fairly cute movie. Jack Black wasn't nearly as annoying as I thought he'd be, although during the first twenty minutes I was considering closing my eyes and trying to sleep just to avoid hearing his voice. I must admit, I did come around, it had a nice little story to it, and I liked it.

About an hour into KFP, my father in law called to see if I was interested in seeing the new Bond film. C was OK with it, after I helped her get the boys ready for bed, she caught up on all the shows we had on the DVR.

I kinda wish I had sat down with the Casino Royale DVD just to refresh myself with some of the supporting characters, as this film picked up pretty much when and where the last left off. I do think that this was a much better Bond film than the last. Yes, it came with modern style action sequences, but it also snuck in the tradional elements I've come to expect in a 007 movie, exotic locales, sharp, witty dialogue, excellent cinematography, a shaken martini, and just enough camp without being corny.

Grab them Cakes!

Please explain to me...

how a mediocre re-mix of two good rock songs can be a hit on country radio? Werewolves in London, Sweet Home Alabama, two great songs that just don't need anything to do with Kid Rock.

I mean, it's not even as creative as when Run DMC did their version of Mary Mary... I still would like to know why she is buggin'.

What's next Mr. Modern Van Winkle? Stairway to Heaven mixed with I'm Too Sexy? I've got it, how about Rock and Roll All Night sampled with The Freaks Come Out at Night... that'll really sell (out).... what has the music industry come to?

goobers

I don't get it...

This is odd... my bag of Sun Chips says that there are approx. eleven servings in this bag... I counted only two...

Random Rants

I like my DVR - I hate football.
Let me 'splain... actually, you've probably already figured it out. I'm two episodes behind on The Unit. We have the DVR set to record the show, because the boys aren't old enough to watch it, but when they're asleep, we catch up on all of our grown-up TV... that is unless a game runs long, and pushes the entire evening's line up back. Actually, I think I'm more aggrevated with the network, honestly has there ever been a game, above the high school level, that was completed in the alotted 3 hours? Schedule a half-hour cushion for extended play. And if for some reason the game finishes at the 3hour and 2minute mark, well you've got a whole 28 minutes left for post-game analysis, where you can thrill me with your thoughts on life.

Could the news readers on the networks please just do that... read the news... I don't need, nor do I want your opinion... You want ratings? Or, at least me to watch with any interest? Give me in depth analysis, not editorial, I'll make my mind up myself, Thank you.
Who am I kidding, after working in news, I know that there will always be an agenda, in every report, on every subject.
Consider the source... read up on the subject... cite multiple sources...
I think I just went from ranting, to assigning myself homework.

ah... Let a hint to wise be sufficient.

Chapter 3 - Getting to Know You

So, we've purchased the car, transfered the tags and called the insurance company to add it to our policy. Now, its time to figure out where to put the essentials: sunglasses, sunscreen, first-aid kit, anti-bacterial hand sanitizer, etc.


On to the tunes. Time to set the FM pre-sets, AM pre-sets, and load in the CDs... this is a little bitter sweet, this is the first car I've had that came with a CD player, 6-disc in dash actually, no need for a Discman and an adapter, which is way cool right... I've gotten a chance to rifle through my discs and pick some that I haven't listened to in quite some time...

But, now I don't have any way of enjoying my old cassettes. Sure I have a home stereo with a cassette deck, but honestly, it hasn't been played in over a year... and I have a ghetto blaster on a shelf at work, but to turn around and swap cassettes while working, that just doesn't happen. Not to mention the sound quality... the crystal clear digital sound on CD is far superior to that of analog... which has always been a nice theory, except that it has always been too crystal clear, too stunningly perfect... to the point where it sounds too artificial.

I kinda like tape hiss, its like an old blanket on an old couch, it may not be perfect, pretty or clean, but its cozy, warm, and comfortable and I like having it around.

But, on the plus side... this car came with the stereo and AC controls on the steering wheel... I never thought that I would like that feature, but I really do... to the point where I have trouble finding the matching controls on the dash.

stay tuned...

Chapter 2 - Car shopping

So, after a week without a car... two weeks with a rental... a week or so test driving a different car just about every day... my adventure continues...

The first car that I test drove was a 2007 Mercury Montego Premier, think fancy Taurus, a rather nice car indeed. A bit more than we are comfortable spending right now... and speaking of comfortable... this car scared me a little, in the sense that it was just a little too plush for my commute. This car felt like my favorite recliner... at 65mph on the highway, way too comfy.


On we go to a 2008 Fusion SE, with a 24v V6... New car, same engine as was in my Taurus. Not bad idea, same power, smaller and lighter car. Aside from that though, nothing to write home about... no other options really, and I'm not really crazy about cloth seating, they are just not as comfortable to me, and they are harder to clean (and honestly, they looked a little cheap).... and it is Arrest Me Red in color, no thanks.

Next is a 2006 Taurus... decent car, clean, relatively low mileage for the year... but again cloth interior... and the base V6, which really is rather pedestrian for the weight of the car. Too similar to what I had, yet not similar enough. I am sure that had we purchased it, I would have critiqued that car against the qualities of the previous taurus. I just know that I would never have been satisfied with it.

So we're still searching online for a better match. C had suggested the car that had topped the original wish list, the one that got away as it were. A 2007 Mercury Milan Premier, fully optioned with leather, but with a 4 cylinder engine. With gas hovering at $4 a gallon, an improvement in fuel economy might be a nice thing right now, especially now that we will be taking on an unexpected car payment. I had previously owned a Mustang that came with the base 4cylinder, no race horse by any stretch, or fancy for that matter, but solid and reliable. I had it for eight years and put over 100k miles on it without issue, so I can live with a 4 cylinder.


Well, there were no used Fusions on the lot, no used Milans either. I don't fit into a Focus (and thankfully neither do two car seats), and gas is too expensive to even think about a truck, SUV, crossover, or Crown Vic. So I'm really beginning to pull my hair out at this point.


Oh, most of you already know that the reason that I'm so Ford minded is that by nature, I don't really trust car dealers, salesmen, etc. with the only exception being my uncle. So, if he can't service it, I don't want it. Even the chevy I had, I bought from him... but when it needed parts... well, that just made me come back to Ford.

So, it is at this point that I go to the main site of the group that my uncle's dealership is now a part of, ribbit ribbit. Well, if they still have it in stock (see Chapter #1's complaint about their webmaster), there is a Fusion at the autoplex... I make an inquiry, my cousin checks on its availablity, and has it brought down for me to have a look the next day.

So, I pick up the Fusion, it is clean, has leather, and rides suprisingly well for a 4cylinder. It is actually the first Ford that I've driven that doesn't really feel all that Ford-like, which is I guess sort of a compliment albeit back-handed. I kind of assumed that a Fusion would feel like a modern Tempo, Fairmont, of Maverick, just a few less than stellar examples of wasted steel and plastic. I must admit that I was wrong, it actually reminded me more of an old friends 84 Honda Accord, but a 21st century take on it.

And the seats... black leather with contrasting white stitching... looks, feels and smells just like my old baseball mitt.

Is it October yet?

Seriously.... I am going through hockey withdrawl...

The Adventures of Ford Fusion... chapter one

No, this is not a scoop about a long awaited sequel to one of my all time favorite stupid movies... no, the Diceman does not cometh...

No, actually, this is my account of my search for my newly purchased automobile. Newly purchased, not purchased new... I'm nothing if not down-right miserly when it comes to big ticket purchases, and I refuse to take the big hit of depreciation that comes with a brand spankin new car, if I can help it. I wasn't even in the market for a car, perfectly comfortable driving my eight year old Taurus, (and with routine maintainence, it probably could have gone at least another 100,000 miles), that is of course until it was wrecked by a lady who could neither see it, nor the big Yield sign that she had... but that is another story.

Buzz- "Have you discovered crystallic fusion... or are your people still using fossil fuels?"

Woody- "We've got AAs."

really that has nothing to do with this post, except for the word fusion, but as most of you know... well, that is how my brain works... random free association.

Anywho...

So, I need transportation. I hop online and search the inventory of my trusted dealer. We're in luck, there are a half dozen or so clean nearly new cars that might work. Big enough to comfortably fit my six foot frame, as well as the rest of the family, yet small enough to get respectable gas mileage.

So we head on down to the dealership and talk. Well, it turns out the car at the top of my list had just been sold. OK, on to the next, and the next... it turns out, this is a terrible market to shop for a car... you want a truck? Dozens of them available in all shapes and sizes.... SUV more your style? More than enough to choose from... Crossover? We've got them too! ...but a car, a regular old car, a little more difficult to find. It makes sense, I understand it, gas has been hovering at $4 per gallon long enough to change the market. It doesn't mean that I'm any less frustrated, because even though I'm a bit of a tight wad, I'm still pretty picky about what I'll spend my money on. Especially when it comes down to the obvious, I plan on driving my choice for at least eight to ten years, and that is a long time to tolerate even the tiniest of annoyances.

So, after discovering that the webmaster is great about adding newly arrived cars to the site in a timely fashion... he's just not as diligent about removing vehicles when they've been sold. On the plus side, I guess I've got decent taste, because there are at least five other people that like the same cars that caught my interest.

Well, now I'm starting to think I may end up looking at a new vehicle, and the trade-offs that come with them. Higher cost, immediate depreciation, and the annoyance of the first time some lazy, inconsiderate idiot bumps it with a grocery cart and leaves a nick that I'll notice every day for the next eight years...

But I keep searching, I link over to one of the sister dealerships within the group... Aha, there is a car that might be worth looking into... if it is, in fact, still in stock... one year old, low miles, and similar equipment to the first car that was on my list... I make a call, they check on its availability, and bring it in, give it the full once over and let me drive it for a couple of days...

So, I'm sitting in the credit union...

getting a pre-approval for an auto loan. Well, I'm waiting patiently for the clerk to finish processing all the forms and figures.... It's a nice office, the muzak is tuned to a classic rock station which is great... but, as most of you know, I am a bit of a daydreamer, and anything that could possibly relate to an old TV show or movie usually triggers the scene in my brain...

meanwhile.... back at the credit union.... well, everything is going great, the clerk is going over some of the figures with me... and I notice the muzak is now playing... 'Everybody's working for the Weekend'.... great song, what's the problem, you say?... well, at some point I notice that I'm just ever so slightly bobbing my head to the music... and then the tempo of the song and my head nodding ring in the thought... where have I seen something with this great song in it?

And then it hits me... while this real nice professional and friendly lady is confirming my interest rate, and I should be paying closer attention... at this point I am just hearing her voice, not so much the words... blankly staring at the pre-approval letter.... and my biggest hope is that she doesn't peace together the song... the bobbing of my head... my blank stare at the page and my pained attempt to hold in hysterical laughter....

have you figured it out?


need a hint?


two words


Chris Farley


I felt like I could be in a scene of The Office... professional setting, serious business... and I'm some flake who can't concentrate because a nearly twenty year old scene from Saturday Night Live is making me fight down, with every fiber of my being, an uncontrolable giggling fit.

and this is the story of my life... a thirty something goof-ball... in stunning technicolor...

Good Day... I said, Good Day!

More Tunes to batter the brain...

This is a game we play at work. We either trade annoying song titles, with the hope that we will no longer suffer alone with them playing in just our own brain... or so that we can shake one turd tune loose with a slightly less agrivating one offered up in it's place...

Yesterday, my boss had a Leif Garrett song stuck in his brain (he had been helping his wife load her mp3 player, and she had this particular gem)... I thank God that it didn't bore its way into my head, I honestly can't even think of the title, I fought it off with Don't worry, Be happy... and a side of Party all the Time...

Question... is everyone still talkin' bout MC Brains?

The Latest Tune that is Stuck in my Brain...

Jerry Reed...

When You're Hot, You're Hot... When You're Not, You're Not!

Try to shake that one loose from your cortex... as always, you're welcome!

Joy, and Pain...

Rob Bass and DJ EZRock? Anywho, that's the tune that has been stuck in my brain for the past two days.... and know it just might be in your brain right now..... you're welcome.

I'm a Liar...

let me explain...

So this morning I made waffles for the boys and myself, whole grain with bits of real strawberries in each one. They were wonderful, but I had to lie to the boys and tell them that they had little candy bits in each one, that was the only way that they would even taste them. I hate to even think it for fear of sounding like my dad, but when I was their age, real fruit in or on any meal was enough to get me interested.

Why is it that my kids always seem to have room for candy, but are full and can't eat another bite when it something halfway healthy on the table? I guess maybe its because we don't eat that much candy in our house, they are kind of like seagulls when their is anything heavy with sugar on the counter.

oh, btw.... totally off topic.......... GO CAPS!!!

Birthday one-liner

Normally, celebrity birthdays don't really capture my attention, but today... for some reason I heard them on the morning news as I was getting out of bed... so Happy Birthday Bandit, er, I mean Mr. Reynolds.... and Tina, the movie star Ginger, Louise...

But moving right along, so several minutes later... I'm in the car on the way to work, listening to the radio... patiently waiting for the 80's at eight... and this is where I caught the celebrity birthdays yet again... I was about to flip the station, but wait:

female DJ: "Celbrating birthdays today, Burt Reynolds is 72, Tina Louise, who played Ginger on Gilligan's Island, is 74 today, Leslie Nielson of the Naked Gun movies...

male DJ: "Leslie Nielson! Leslie Nielson! ... he's like the Ric Flair of acting!"

It was a this point that I not only laughed out loud, but probably made the folks in the car next to me eerily uncomfortable, what with my Rain Man like outburst... and all I could think of was is this DJ somehow related to our dear old friend Pooh.

"...You are the man, Leslie Nielson! You are It!"

The Things We'll Do For Fun...

So, the idea was brought up that we wear our old hockey helmets to the Caps game on Saturday... Good plan, I'm in.

Step one - take helmet off of shelf in garage... easy

Step two - remove dead moth, dust, and cob webs... it's a snap with the super strength Lysol wipes.

Step three - buy rubber cement to re-glue shrunken, cracked old padding to inside of helmet... not as simple as you'd think. The padding wants to return to its shrunken shape before the glue has a chance to bond. After using a big jug of pasta sauce to hold the first (back) piece in place for a couple of hours, I attempt to attach the front piece, we'll the Ragu bottle won't press down against all the surfaces.... hmm... what to do? Maybe if I had a water balloon... that might do the trick.... wait, cracked padding might pop balloon and that would be bad.... hmmm, it's almost 11pm, what do I put in the old brain bucket to hold the pieces in place until the glue has a chance to bond? If only I had something big enough to fit in my old helmet to press the padding against the shell...

So, here I am... it is now almost 11:30pm, I should be in bed asleep, but I'm on the net, I have the television on, and I'm wearing my helmet, my old helmet.... I think the padding wasn't the only thing that has been shrinking, because I had a lot more hair the last time I wore this thing and its tight, but after a half hour or so, it is getting more comfortable... maybe its the blended aroma of rubber cement fumes and old hockey bag funk.

I've been giggling to myself about this old helmet and the upcoming game all week.
If I had a camera within arms reach, I would surely hold it at arms length and take a pic of my idiot self right now.

Freeze Hair Boy!

I'm a goofy idiot...

While on the way home from dinner this evening, C is sharing with me a conversation she had with our daycare mom about a mutual friend. This person was looking into surgery, but would not be covered by their insurance, they had an Aflac meeting at their office just today, and this person inquired if Aflac might cover the procedure they are looking to have. well they don't either.

me: "Oh, what is the procedure?"

C: "Gastric bypass."

me: "Really, OK."

C: "Yeah, It's elective."

me: "Boogie woogie woogie."

I couldn't resist, the words were out of my mouth before I could even think... Serious conversation devolves into cheap karioke in three little words.

Marco....(polo), the contestant on The Singing Bee.

OK, so I'm bugging Carla... let me explain... We are watching this evenings' episode of 'The Singing Bee', well there is a contestant named Marco (polo)... well, everytime Fatone metions his name: Marco (polo), I can't help myself, I have to say "POLO", the word forces itself out of my insides... and then it makes me giggle like a three year old.